Jay Hova (jayhova) wrote,
Jay Hova

Maturity and contractual arraingments

It has been said by some that I lack maturity. To my mind the yardstick to maturity seems to be a willingness to conduct yourself in a manner consistent with others in your age bracket. I ask, Where's the fun in that? I am really not interested in pleasing others at my own expense. My behavior is dictated primarily by my own set of rules created to service me. In general I find that the result of this is that I am ostracized from groups that I for the most part would not wish to have anything to do with. This ostracization actually benefits me as I don't really want to be told what I ought to be doing by these sorts of people.

This brings me somewhere near my point. I generally avoid the term maturity as it is typically used as tool to control behavior by producing a certain level of compliance through shame. That is to say that if I were to, for instance, shout out the word "whore!" in public this would be seen as immature behavior as it is a disruption of the social parameters defined by the majority for polite society. It is likely that social pressure would be brought to bear to correct this. As social creatures, humans tend to nip at those who step outside the boundaries of what we consider "correct" behavior, placing social pressure on those members of the human race to come into compliance with accepted normality. This instinct is quite strong in humans as is the instinct to comply with an authority figure. The Milgram experiment on obedience to authority figures showed that 65% of adults were willing to subject other people to possible death on the say so of an authority figure and a considerably higher percentage were willing to cause other people serious levels pain when told to by an authority figure.

Okay, we are getting quite close to the point now. Soon. As I have demonstrated above, maturity is not what people generally believe it to be. Maturity is a willingness to conform to the social pressures to behave in a manner considered "age appropriate" NOT a willingness to be responsible for your actions.

And here we are at my point. Well, very nearly. Because of the issues listed above, I avoid the terms mature and age appropriate for the most part. Instead I classify human beings by the level of responsibility I expect from them. Quite simply if you are an adult I expect you to be a responsible person. Period. Responsibility is a choice. You can choose to be responsible or not. There really isn't a middle ground. Not in my book. Let's take being drunk for an example. Many people think drunkenness is an excuse. However, if you drink and drive you will be held accountable, as you should be. Doing anything while drunk is your responsibility whether you plow through a schoolyard full of children or tell someone what an asshole they are. It's not like someone held a gun to your head and said "Drink until you do something you'll regret". The rule is simple, you are responsible for the things you do that are under your control. If you choose to give up control that choice is still under your control.

Okay, here we are. One of the fundamental principle actions that define a person as an adult is the ability to enter into agreements with others and adhere to those agreements even when the outcome of the agreement is no longer favorable without fear as a motivation. Simply put, to do what you said you would do no matter what. To keep your promises. Agreements are one of foundations of human interaction. It's important to understand agreements. There are three stages to every agreement. Stage one is negotiation. People make a series of pledges to perform certain actions. This takes the form of I'll do this, if you'll do that. At some point someone says "Okay I'll do it". At this point the agreement has been reached and it is the responsibility of both parties to understand their obligations under the agreement. Now we move to stage three of the agreement, fulfillment. Both parties are obligated to adhere to all the agreed upon terms of the arraignment. No single party may change the agreement without a new agreement being reached. Any party that fails to adhere to the agreed upon terms puts the agreement in abeyance. Even circumstances beyond the party's control that make it impossible to fulfill the agreement in no way change their obligation to fulfill the agreement. It is the failing party's obligation to satisfy the needs of the party that adhered to the agreement. It is NEVER the duty of the party that adhered to the agreement to forgive the failing party. It is ALWAYS the failing parties duty to make good any damage caused the complying party by their failure to fulfill their end of the deal.

To me these are the things that really indicate if you are an adult is your ability to adhere to agreements without the need for coercion or fear of consequences. If you are going to tell me how I need to be more mature keep in mind that I adhere to my agreements and understand my obligations if I am unable or in some other way fail to do so.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
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